I put that seed underground.
Of the future
Something nobody knows.
I cover it with soil.
I watch everybody leave their stories of the future like clothes around it.
Like leaves of Autumn, they die and makes the ground fertile and moisturised.
I feel how they start their movement towards the seed.
I feel the will of Seed to grow her roots. She needs time.
I trust that Seed will bring something bigger, loving and more safe than anything before.
i stand up, i watch the soil for a moment, and slowly i turn my back. 
i let Seed make her own growth.

My head is still so exhausted by all the stories around
...and my inner workshop of recognising fears, taking care of them, 
letting go of the unnecessary.

I dig a hole to the ground for me too.
I go in like a baby.
I enjoy the wave of nurturing mother.
I am asking what keeps my head so exhausted. 
It feels exposed by movement, light, images and stories. Also by the good ones.

Where is the stillness?
Where is the place I don't need to take care of my happiness? It is already taken care of.
Or my growth? I am already growing.
Or my lifetime’s wish to create together? We are already doing it.
Or any craving to be loved? I am already loved.
Or anything else? Everything is already happening.
I feel I need to go to darkness. Once it was companied with depression. 
But now it feels the depression is kicked out.
Just a place of dark and nothingness is left. I remember. 
I remember strongest motivation, life and joy grow from this place. 
I let my head melt here, i let her to trust this place. 
And its ability to give birth to new life.

i go. i go to do sports to create heat in my body. 
To burn the rest of the unnecessary from my head.

Written March 21st 2020 © Hannele Törrö

Image of Hannele Törrö © Jan Ahlstedt